


Self Loathing and Love

by riddikulusgrin (klavgavtrash)



Series: Ace/Aro Fics [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aromantic, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Dean Winchester, Asexual Castiel, Gen, warning for harmful views of aromanticism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-09 14:55:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1987131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klavgavtrash/pseuds/riddikulusgrin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's pretty sure he's never been in love, so maybe his being a demon was inevitable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self Loathing and Love

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ages ago, and I think originally I was going to extend it, but I like it as is. Aro!Dean has always fascinated me.

Dean wasn’t sure he’d ever had a genuine romantic interest in somebody. Sex, sure. Close friendships, sure. Brotherly love, of course. But he’d never been in love. He’d cared greatly for Lisa and for Cassie, but the more he thought about it, the less it seemed like there had ever been any romance there for him. They’d definitely been lust, though. There’d been a hell of a lot of that. 

He could explain away the early years as his being too young, his moving around too much. But after that? Fuck, he’d spent a year with Lisa but he, at least, never seemed to move past very-close-friends-with-benefits. 

So when he woke up a demon, with Crowley practically pissing himself with pride beside him, some part of him was convinced this was always inevitable. That he was always doomed to become a creature incapable of love, because he had always been one anyway. 

He didn’t share this with Sam, not at first. He let his brother rage and promise he’d fix this and cry with relief at his alive-ness (if you could call this life). Then, when Sam was done being a drama queen and hit the books to find a demon cure that didn’t result in his own death, Dean sat down across from him.

“Sammy, my humanity is well and truly gone-“

“Don’t say that.” Said Sam, looking up at him with tired eyes. 

“Well, it is. And yet, I don’t feel the damnedest bit different.”

Sam, being Sam, caught on to what he was saying immediately. “You’ve never been a monster, Dean.”

“Well I’m a monster now. A black-eyed son of a bitch that our own dad would gank without a backwards glance. Point is, ever since I went to hell my life has been leading up to this, and Cas just delayed the inevitable by raising my sorry ass.”

Sam ran a hand across his face. “You’re wrong. Why do you think that?”

“I can’t fall in love, Sam. Never genuinely found anyone who made me want to settle down and do couple stuff that doesn’t involve sex.” 

Sam blinked. “So what?”

“I’m incapable of love.”

“Bullshit. You love me. You loved our mum and Bobby and Kevin, and you love Cas.”

“You know that ain’t the same thing.”

“Yeah, but it’s a damn sight more than a demon would do. So you’re aromantic - so are hundreds of other people in the world who _haven’t_ gone to hell.”

Dean stared at him. “Aromantic?” he said, the unfamiliar word throwing him out of the loop.

“It’s an orientation. Means you don’t experience romantic attraction. I had a friend back at Stanford who was asexual, he taught me all the lingo.”

Dean felt even more confused. “Asexual?”

Sam actually rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t experience sexual attraction. You know, like Cas.”

Dean felt the first bubble of happiness since he’d become a demon rise in his chest. Aromantic. An orientation. “So,” he said, he voice gruff, “Is Cas- er- is Cas er- aromantic too?”

Sam smirked. He was such a bitch when he was right. “You’d have to ask him that.”

Dean nodded, standing up and almost walking straight into a chair. “I’ll do that.”

He’d got about half way to the door when Sam called out “You’re not broken.”

It was a crappy sentimental gesture, and Dean wasn’t sure he believed the words. But it was nice knowing his brother did. 

“Thanks.” he said gruffly.


End file.
